Going the distance does not mean that you will reach your destination. Some time ago I listened to a very interesting interview about a guy who swam the English channel. What really struck me as a valuable life lesson was when he described how he had to battle the currents caused by the tides and at one point in the swim actually swam for an hour without making progress. He had to swim just to stay in the same place. If he had stopped swimming he would have been swept back by the current, but eventually the tide turned and then, in fact, swept him towards his destination. Just to put this into perspective, and so that you will know what to expect if you ever want to swim the channel. It takes so long to get across that the tide changes 3 times during the swim and the tide change causes strong currents in the channel. That made me think about how often in our lives we have to battle the currents caused by the tides of our lives, illnesses, relationships, finances, workload, getting a job, losing a job, you will know what the currents in your life are. Sometimes it just seems to be so hard, we work and we work but we just don't seem to get anywhere. It feels as if all our efforts are wasted and all too often we give up trying and let the current sweep us back. But that just washes us into the next current and we struggle for a while but then give up and then that current washes us back, and so we go bouncing between the currents but never getting through. We end up using our life’s energy without ever achieving our desires. Oh we “go the distance” alright but we don’t reach our destination. The danger of bouncing between currents is that you lose your enthusiasm for life, it is just one battle after another, every day a struggle with no end in sight. Then you lose your belief in yourself and your ability to succeed and you risk giving up and drowning. If you find yourself in this position you have got to be like that swimmer. He focussed on the destination. He reaffirmed the value of the reward in relation to the effort. He reaffirmed his faith in his ability to hold out. He knew that it could be done and was determined that he would do it. He also knew that the tide would turn, nothing lasts forever, all he had to do was to keep on keeping on and he would (and he did) succeed. Set the direction for your life. Where are you going? What do you want to achieve? Who do you want to be? Accept that there will be challenges, we cannot always control what happens to us but we can always control our response to the event. Direction is more important than distance. It doesn't matter how far you travel if you are going in the wrong direction. It doesn't matter how much you do if you are doing the wrong thing. Don't confuse effort with achievement. Remember that small steps, taken consistently, in the right direction, lead to great things. ************************************** Affirmation Today I will be enthusiastic and courageous, confident and decisive in doing the things that are necessary for my success. ************************************** LESS

Who are you wearing? Every day and every moment of every day we can, and should, choose who we wear. We often give more consideration to what we wear than to who we wear. We are concerned about the colour, style, cut, fit and brand name and hope that these will create the correct image we want to display. Understand that clothes are merely an accessory. Clothes don't make the model, it is the model that makes the clothes. It has been said "Of all the things you wear, your expression is most important" and this is true because it is your expression that creates the first impression that other people have about you. Your expression displays your emotional state at that moment. Expressions can be fleeting but no matter how fleeting they can create a lasting impression, and they display your character. The way that you react to any situation, especially a bad one, reveals your true character. And it is by your character that you are known. Your character determines your reputation and your reputation is your "designer brand" your "label" it is how others "know" you. So, who are you wearing? What is your brand? How do you see yourself? How do others see you? And the most important question of all, how do you want others to see you? You have it in your power to determine your reputation but first you have to define your reputation. What do you want other people to think about you? How would you like them to describe you? How would you like them to remember you? Take every role that you play, parent, spouse, partner, employee, employer, child, sibling, citizen, etc. and ask yourself, who are the most important people that you interact with in this role and how would you like them to feel about you, talk about you and remember you. Then constantly evaluate your behaviour and ask yourself if the behaviour that you are displaying will get you the reputation that you desire or destroy the reputation you desire. Is your brand worth wearing? While you should pay attention to what you are wearing and strive to create a good impression with your clothes you should pay more attention to your expression and your behaviour to ensure that your "personal brand" is a desirable one. So, Who are you wearing today? ************************************** Affirmation I pay attention to my behaviour to ensure that I am acting in accordance with the reputation that I desire and the Personal Brand I have chosen for myself. ************************************** LESS

Your life is a work in progress. When you accept that your life is constantly evolving and that every morning you have the opportunity to recreate yourself, to determine how you want to behave and what you want to achieve in terms of personal growth and development, then you will truly understand the magic of life. In order to truly capitalise on this “work in progress” philosophy there are three basic principles that we must keep in mind at all times. 1. Wisdom You must have the wisdom to determine who you wish to be as a person, what character do you want to develop? What reputation do you want? You must have the wisdom to understand that you can have just about anything you want if only you are prepared to do what it takes to get it. You must have the wisdom to accept that you will not always get what you want. You must have the wisdom to accept that you will not always want what you get. You must have the wisdom to understand that you must use what you've got in order to get what you want. You must have the wisdom to realise that if what you are doing is not working then you must stop doing it and try something else. You must have the wisdom to clearly determine your intent. 2. Intent Take the time to discover what the intent behind your actions is. What ever we do we do for a reason, but often the reason we verbalise is not the real reason at all. It is the seemingly logical reason that we use to try to justify our actions or it is the reason that we hope other people will accept. What you want to discover is the "emotional" reason. How will you feel after you have acted? What is the feeling that you really want? When you have discovered the emotional reason you will be able to determine if what you are doing will actually result in what you want. Once you are clear on what you want then the next step is to realise that "If it is to be it is up to me" 3. Participation Life is a “Do it to yourself” process, it is a participator sport not a spectator sport. In order to become who you want to be and to achieve the goals that you have for your life you must take action. The first rule of success is "Be There" You have no chance of winning the race if you are not in the race. Your life is a "Work in process" what do you want it to be like when it is finished. Realise that the future is given to us as an endless set of possibilities, it is our responsibility to choose the future that we want and then to go to work to turn our dreams into reality. Don't wait for others to make your life great. Don't wait for things to happen, make them happen. Don't for things to be perfect, work at making them perfect. Just realise that "Somewhere, somehow, sometime, someone is going to make a start. Why not here, with what you have? Why not Now? Why not YOU?" ************************************** Affirmation This is my life and I gladly accept full responsibility for it. I understand that "If it is to be it is up to me." ************************************** LESS

Learn to set “Character Goals” before you set “Material Goals” All too often "Goal Setting" concentrates on what you want to get. I want a big house, a better job, lots of money, etc, etc. Now I am not going to tell you that you shouldn't want these things and I am not going to tell you that you shouldn't set goals to get them. What I am going to tell you is that in order to get them you have to become a different person. "What do you mean, become a different person?" I hear you ask. Well, has the person you are, been able to achieve your dreams? NO. Then I guess that it's time to change. You see you have to be the person worthy of the goal. You have to deserve your dream. Too many people depend on their possessions to define their personality when in fact they should be allowing their personality to determine their possessions. They think that having the "Status Symbols" will give them status, when the only thing that gives you status is your value to the community and that is determined by your contribution and your behaviour. If you rely on your possessions to determine your status you place yourself at the risk of constantly having to chase “Material Goals” and this very often erodes your character. You run the risk of feeling that you have to "Get what you want at any cost" and the risk, is that very often you get the thing at the cost of the things you really want, status, respect and peace of mind. If you do not have an internal strength of character then achieving material goals becomes a string of hollow victories giving no lasting sense of satisfaction and leading to an inner sense of lack. The buzz of having the thing soon wears off and then you have to find something new to get your "Sense of Importance Now" fix. Having lots of things does not make you a nice person. Being a nice person makes you a nice person. Only achieving personal growth goals provides lasting satisfaction. So take the time to decide on the character that you wish to have and the reputation that you wish to earn and then commit yourself to behaving in a way that will ensure that you achieve your goal. Constantly define your desired reputation. Ask yourself, "If my partner/spouse, or my children, or my colleagues, or my community were to describe me, what would I want them to say about me?" Decide who you want to be, what you want people to think about you and how you want to be remembered and then make it your life's mission to live up to your dream. Realise that on your journey through life “who” you become is far more important than what you acquire. Choose who you want to be before you decide what you want to get, because the only way that you are really going to get what you really want is to become the person worthy of the goal. You must deserve your dream life in order to live your dream life so learn to set character goals before you set material goals. ************************************** Affirmation By controlling my attitude I will ensure that every person I meet today will be uplifted, inspired and happier for the meeting. ************************************** LESS

Oops! Your character is showing I very seldom watch TV and when I do I prefer it to be something pleasant, interesting and instructional however I watched a little bit of Idols last night (only because it was on when I walked into the lounge) Was it pleasant? Well, the young woman singing had a really good voice. Was it interesting? Only from the point of view of watching the judges reactions which ranged from deliberate rudeness, to kindness, to an effort to impress. Was it instructional? Yes, in that there were clear lessons in how to behave and in how not to behave, and left me with definite character impressions of the judges. What always impresses me about Idols is the courage that it takes to stand up in front of a camera and perform, knowing that hundreds of thousands of people are watching you. What makes it more remarkable is that the contestant is in front of a panel of judges, who, experience has shown to have the ability to be devastatingly rude and dismissive. And then to top it all, to have to sing without any background music is very challenging. I really feel that the judges ought to be put through an Emotional Mastery course before being selected, not to help them deal with the "singing" of some contestants, but to make them aware of the power of their contribution to build or break. Now I realise that not every one can be an instant star. Not everyone has the personality to immediately dazzle, but I can't help but wonder at how much talent has been buried under the shame of the harsh criticism, that is received at the hands of these "judges". We take people and put them into an unnatural environment and then expect them to perform naturally. The contestant has possibly performed the act many times at home, in surroundings where they feel confident and unthreatened. Now we put them into a high risk environment. The stakes are high, success or failure, there is a lot to gain, financially, and a lot to lose, emotionally. Most "stars" today have had years of coaching and have a very strong support team. I do not know if many of them would risk their careers by appearing live without any backup. I don't think that we would recognise many of them if they did. This is my call to the judges of Idols and to you if ever you have to judge someone's performance. Show respect for the courage of the performer. If you must give a "no" vote, and this will happen, not everyone can pass, do it kindly. Leave the persons self respect intact. Give advice and guidance, identify the areas for improvement without criticising and condemning. Leave them with the feeling that, in time, they can grow and become what they dream of, this just isn't their time now. Realise that the way you treat others says more about your character than anything else that you do. So treat others in a way that builds your character and reputation to where you want to be. ************************************** Affirmation By controlling my attitude I will ensure that every person I meet today will be uplifted, inspired and happier for the meeting. ************************************** LESS

"Help I'm trapped in my job" Do you feel trapped in your job? Do you feel that you want to break out and do something different? Research has shown that many people would rather do something other than what they now do, and that they feel that they are not in control of their lives. This leads to resentment of the situation and anger towards those that they blame for their situation. They want to change but feel they can't. Realise that for things to change, you have to change. The first step in creating change is awareness of the need to change. The second step is the acceptance that things are the way they are and that you cannot change what is you can only change what may be. The third step is the acknowledgement of your responsibility to take charge of the change you want. Often you are trapped by your own sense of incompetence. You want to leave the job you have now but you are too scared to make the move. I mean it's not that easy to get another job these days is it? If you feel that you are trapped in the job you now have, that you can't leave because your opportunities are limited then check your skills level. How much demand is there for the services that you offer? How many people will be competing for the same job? Have you limited your options by not learning new skills or by failing to improve the skills that you have? You can also improve your choices by doing what you do so well, that your services are always in demand. Whatever you do there will always be others competing for the same job. What makes you different? Why should anyone buy your services? Don't be like the applicant for a vacancy, who on enquiring what pay went with the post was told. "Oh we are a very fair company we will pay you what you are worth." "Then I can't take the job" says the applicant "I am being paid more than that where I am now" Free yourself from a trap of your own making. Learn as much as you can about as much as you can. Learn as much as you can about your job and the jobs of those around you. Learn about your company. What are it's objectives? What are it's obstacles? How does what you do help the company achieve it's objectives and overcome the obstacles? Do what ever you do as well and as cheerfully as you can. Choose to look for the value in what you do. Choose to add value to those around you. Choose to be passionate about what you do. Realise that your sense of significance will always be in direct proportion to your belief in the value of the contribution that you make. Prepare yourself for the next step on your journey through life by being proud of yourself and your contribution. Don't be a victim and say “I 'have' to do this because I'm trapped by my obstacles”. Be a winner and say “I 'want' to do this because I am excited about my opportunities”, then you won't have to cry "Help I'm trapped in my job" ************************************** Affirmation I am inspired by the opportunity my job gives me. I realise that it is my stepping stone to greatness and it is up to me to make the most of it. ************************************** LESS

"Only fools blindly accept, or reject, a subject they have not studied" How much of your life is being controlled by someone else. By the beliefs that they planted in you without you being aware of it. By information that you have unquestioningly accepted as true. This story should illustrate the effect of unquestioned, unchallenged, beliefs. One day a woman sent her husband out to buy a leg of lamb. When he brought it back she said. "But you haven't cut the end off." "You never asked me to" he replied. "But we always cut the end off a roast" she said "I thought you knew that." "Why, do we always cut the end off a roast?" he asked. "I don't really know" she said. "I only know that my mother always did, so I do too". "Well your mother is here for lunch, let's ask her." "Ma, why did you always cut the end off a roast?" "I don't really know." she replied, "But my mother always used to cut the end off, so I did too." "OK let's get granny on the phone I want to get to the bottom of this." So they phone granny. "Granny why did you always cut the end off a roast?" "Because my pot was too small" she replied. Are you cooking in someone else's pot? Blindly accepting without question or challenge, information about yourself and how you live. Blindly accepting someone else's view of life and other people. Blindly accepting that this is how things are. Blindly accepting that the "truth" you have is the actual truth. I have so often encountered the situation, and I am sure that you have too, that when people adopt a "school of thought" they stop thinking. Suddenly they act as if their chosen school of thought contains all the thought that there is and that it is complete. They act as if they have the whole truth when in reality all they have is the information that they have accepted as true. Take control of your life, learn to question the things that matter to you. Learn to ask, Why do I do this? Why do I do it this way? What would stop me trying a different way? What makes this true? What makes them right? Realise that the only fact, is the fact that all facts can and should be challenged. Just think about this. Everything that you have today you have because someone challenged the fact that it did not exist, because there was a time that it didn't. Develop the Emotional Maturity to amend your opinion in the light of new information. Don't be like the emotionally immature who defend their opinion in spite of new information. Don't cut yourself off from an opportunity to learn by being locked in the conviction of the truth of your beliefs and opinions, realise that only fools and the dead never change their opinions. Learn to have an open mind, realise that there always will be, and that there are now, different points of view to yours. Learn to evaluate these different opinions to see what you can gain from them, for "Only fools blindly accept, or reject, a subject they have not studied" LESS

Possibly the most important and challenging role you will ever fulfil is that of parent. It is also possibly the one for which you are least equipped. Learning to be a parent is like learning to dance, you will never know all the steps and the music keeps changing. You just need to know the fundamentals and have the “Emotional Maturity” to be flexible. It is essential to develop this Emotional Maturity as often, in our frustration, we run the risk of lashing out and blaming our children for our problems. So what are the fundamentals of parenting? 1. Children are your responsibility not your possessions. If you doubt that then please show me your purchase slip. 2. Your children do not owe you anything that you have not earned. They are not "cheap labour" there to do the things that you don't want to do. Nor are they guests just along for the ride. There should be a fair sharing and rotation of tasks and responsibilities. 3. You make no sacrifices for your children, you fulfil your obligations to them. Sure you may have to go without some stuff because you have incurred extra expenses by having children. But just remember they didn't ask to be here. You brought them here. 4. Raising and protecting your children is your responsibility. You should NEVER give that role to someone else unless you have verified that they are competent and willing to accept that responsibility. 5. You cannot, and you should not, try to captain their ship. Your role is that of a lighthouse giving them advise and showing them the way. (accept that they will not always follow your advise. Did you always follow your parents advise?) 6. You are to provide a safe harbour for your children. Think about it, is your home a “Safe Zone” or a “War Zone”. If your children didn’t “have to” would they come home? 7. Your role is not to undermine and control. Your role is to support and guide. 8. You have the responsibility to be their role model. They learn many of their coping skills from you. What are you teaching them? 9. Above all you must love your children. Many times you will not like what they do, but always remember that it is the behaviour that you dislike and not the child. 10. The best thing that parents can do for their children is to love each other. And if you can’t do that then at least don’t let your children feel that it is their fault. Remember that your children did not apply for this role. You brought them into existence now you have the responsibility to nurture them and to prepare them for their future. ************************************** Affirmation I gladly accept and respect my role as parent. I know that the best thing that I can do for my community is to raise my children to become valuable, confident and participative members of the community ************************************** LESS

13th August 2007 "Be Careful" The harvest of tomorrow is determined by the deeds of today. Be careful with what you allow into your head. Beware of "thought pollution". While you cannot control all the information coming in, you can and should choose to get as much positive, uplifting and inspiring information as possible. Make it a point to evaluate all the information you are exposed to. Will this information empower you, or enrage you, or discourage you. If you feel that this information will not help you then don't waste any of your precious energy on it. Be careful with what you allow to stay in your head. It's not so much what you are exposed to it's what you pay attention to, that influences your state of mind. It’s the thoughts that you allow to take root and grow that control your life. Be careful to pay attention to that, that will empower you and add value to yourself and others. Your mind is like a fertile garden, whatever you plant will grow so be careful to only plant what you want to harvest. Be careful not to have a closed mind, be open to all input but be careful to evaluate that information and weed out all the unnecessary and negative input. Be careful with what you allow out of your head. It has been said that "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me" Well this is just not true, words can cause, and have caused, tremendous damage. Words are very powerful and can be used to hurt or to heal, to break down or to build up, but they are your words and you must choose how to use them. Be careful of the language that you use. Your use of language is one of the most powerful ways of creating an impression. It doesn't matter how well you are dressed, if you use gutter language or are vicious with your tongue then that is what people will remember. Be careful with your education. Improve your vocabulary, the more words you know the easier it is to communicate and the better the impression that you make. Be careful with your pronunciation. Saying the word the right enhances understanding. Saying the right word right is the sign of an educated person. Be careful to speak well and to speak well of yourself and others. Use this test to evaluate what you say. Is it true? Is it necessary? Will it help the person you are speaking to or about? Be careful with your actions. Your performance determines your destiny. Every action generates a result, be careful that your actions generate the results that you want. Be careful to act in a way that you can be proud of. Be careful to act in a way that adds value to your life and the lives of those around you. Be careful to protect your environment. Be careful with how you build your life. Realise that every action is a building block of your past and a foundation stone of your future so be careful with what you think, say and do because you influence the potential of tomorrow with your actions of today. ************************************** Affirmation I know that I am responsible for my life and that my actions of today influence the potential of my tomorrow so I am careful with what I allow into my head, what I allow to stay, and what I say and do and how I say and do it. LESS

You are you most valuable asset and you deserve all the care, love and attention you can give. Realise that you are special. There never has been nor will there ever be another like you. You are a collectors item and should be cherished. So often we put ourselves in 2nd place having been conditioned by social stupidity to treat ourselves as less important than others. We are not less important than others. We are not more important than others. But we are, or should be, the most important to ourselves. If you truly love your family and your friends then show it by truly loving yourself. Because when you do not love yourself, when you are unhappy, when you feel unworthy, when you feel used and abused it affects your relationships. You may make a pretence at loving them but you are resentful and it shows. Love yourself enough to treat yourself kindly. Be understanding of your mistakes. Treat yourself the way you would like others to treat you. Love yourself enough to accept praise. Too often when you are praised for something you try to minimise your contribution "Oh it was nothing" No it wasn’t. It was something, and you did it. Love yourself enough to be proud of your achievements. Don’t wait for others to congratulate you. When you’ve done something well love yourself enough to acknowledge it and congratulate yourself. Love yourself enough to forgive yourself – so you didn’t win the lotto, climb Kilamanjaro, run the Comrades, swim the channel, get in shape, but you did make it through the year. So you made some mistakes, did some things you shouldn’t have done, didn’t do some things you should have done. Just like you would forgive others, love yourself enough to forgive yourself. Love yourself enough to look back over the year and acknowledge all your achievements. And I do mean all. Every day that you got up and went to work is an achievement. Every meal that you cooked is an achievement. Every bit of money that you earned is an achievement. Every time you loved your partner is an achievement. Love yourself enough to acknowledge that you are OK. Love yourself enough to acknowledge that there were times that you didn’t do your best, or do the right thing. Love yourself enough to accept that you can’t change what you did but that you can change what you do. Love yourself enough to know that you can improve. Love yourself enough to choose to improve yourself, to become a better you. Love yourself enough to be your best friend, to celebrate your victories and to support yourself through your losses, to be there to pick yourself up when you fall. Love yourself enough to cherish yourself and to acknowledge that you were engineered for success, designed for accomplishment and you are endowed with the seeds of greatness. Love yourself enough to let your light shine. LESS